Creekside Garden

You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.

Psalm 16:11

Fullness of Joy. Pleasures forevermore.

Sounds wonderful, doesn’t it?

I have felt extremely insecure throughout different seasons of my life, including the one I am in now. This is why I haven’t posted anything on this blog since announcing it 😅. I suddenly was overwhelmed by doubts and fears of what other people think of me. Part of me wishes I could just fade into the background and not insert myself into any group of people. To stop taking up space in the world because I can’t help but let people down. This tanks my confidence, and I make myself miserable. I am missing out on that fullness of joy.

Thankfully, joy is not found in me or in my circumstances. The “if only” thoughts are only a mirage of what I think will make me happy. Friends who live close by, have a restored relationship with my in-laws, land of our own, Ben not having to work so many hours, a sense of confidence in myself…. the list goes on of things that would make me happy, but even if they were to happen, I would still be longing for something more.

“In your presence, there is fullness of joy“

In the presence of the Lord, we find joy.

A lesson I have a hard time understanding. Why can’t he just give me joy all the time? Why is this a struggle?

Every day I have a choice. To walk with God and be in his presence. Or to  walk my own way. Little choices add up and create the whole of life.

• Read my Bible at breakfast or distract myself on my phone?
• Prayer or allow lies and discouragement to overwhelm my thoughts?
• Being purposeful to honor the Lord with my attitude or allow frustration and anger to control my decisions?

Honestly, I struggle with all of these things. Especially in how I think of myself. I forget to dwell on who God says I am and instead get all stuck up in my head that I’m not good enough. In the presence of God, I don’t hear those lies as loud. But some days it is a real struggle to make the right choices.

“In your right hand are pleasures forevermore.”

When there is fullness of joy, suddenly the world looks different. The grass is greener, mountains are more majestic, and small things fill your heart with wonder. If you have ever been stuck in a spot of negativity, food dries out your mouth and beauty fades into flaws.

I sat on my porch feeling sorry for myself last night and I wondered how I could be unhappy in such a beautiful place. The birds were singing, and the creek boiled down the valley swollen with spring. It was a perfect summer night. Yet I was overwhelmed with lies in my head and could not enjoy the beauty. It was not until this morning as I read my Bible and wrote out these thoughts that I remembered the blessings I have and finally felt peace.

Circumstances truly have nothing to do with real joy. ❤️